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An unlikely source of inspiration

It only took 90 minutes to turn my month around today.

I've been wading through the vertical filing system that has taken over my desk these past few months in order to get any work done. I've been generating demand which I'm battling to keep up with and I've been snowed under with paper as I move from one task and one meeting to the next. As a result satisfaction levels have been on the wane somewhat and I've been waiting for the dust to settle so I can regroup and de-clutter my desk and mind. 

The dust didn't settle today and the piles of paper are perhaps even less orderly when I left for home than they were at the start of the day, but I've received a boost of inspiration of the kind I've not felt for a long time.

This lift in my general spirits came from a most unexpected quarter: a chat about depression and suicide with three middle aged blokes.

Now before readers start to worry about my state of mind and call my better half to enquire about my mental health I reassure you I am in excellent health and my attendance at this coffee group was out of concern for farmers who are headed into a tough winter. I wanted to get a better feel for the economic climate they'd be facing as well as their seasonal concerns so I could help to put an ambulance at the top of the cliff.

So how on earth do you draw inspiration from a conversation about depression and suicide, surely the coffee wasn't that good?

There's a lot of power in people's personal stories. I've interviewed a few people over the years and have come away with a variety of feelings. I've felt quietly reassured; pumped-up and excited. I've felt respect and admiration, and envy at times.

But I've never felt quite as honoured and as special as I did today. 

I'm not going to do justice to this story. The power of it came through being there and looking into the eyes of a dead man as he told his story. Those eyes positively glowed with reassurance and life.

But here goes.

There were four of us braving the Autumn chill over coffee. One of the four was a dairy farmer. 

Our farmer has been through some tough times in the past few years. Finances and expectations of success have weighed heavily on his shoulders. He has a deep concern for the health and welfare of his cows, which caused many sleepless nights during last season's drought. And he has felt increasingly isolated from his community. This took a toll on his relationships with his family. He said he looks at himself and he knows that he has physically aged through all of this stress.

He lost sleep, fell into depression and contemplated putting an end to it all. 

The way this man opened up to me, a complete stranger, was incredibly brave. 

He walked through the process of gradual decline. He said it was like his world went grey and the front of his brain was cold and shut down. Decision making went out the window. He didn't want to interract with others and he retreated into himself. His mind was constantly replaying the scenarios which related to the causes of his stress - his relationships with his family and concern for his cows, his finances, the weight of expectation and through all this he couldn't find an off switch to get to sleep. 

He wore himself down until he hit rock bottom and spoke to his mates, saw a doctor and a counsellor, and with advice, medication and sleep he got himself back on track.

It was an honour to hear from him what at the time would have been a most intensely private thought process. It was testiment of his strength of character now that he had no trouble sharing this with a complete stranger.  

He is the most inspirational person I have met in months. After 90 minutes the piles of paper seemed inconsequential and I'm brimming with determination to clear them as I get that ambulance to the top of the cliff over the next few months. 

So if you stumble across this blog entry and you're thinking so what's in it for me? What should I look out for? What do I do if my mate, or my partner is in this situation? Here are a few insights from a dairy farmer, a genuine Kiwi who can fly.

• Going from a place where you're living with stress, to a stage where you're depressed, to the point where you want to end your life is generally a gradual one. It may be hard for your partner to see that you have dropped so low. You may just be that 'grumpy bastard'. It may take someone who'se further removed to pick it. So don't let your mates become isolated so that they have no one outside their immediate family to turn to.
  
  
• If you know you have issues with depression get to know your triggers so you can spot when you're going down hill early on in the piece when you can still make decisions and you can still ask for help. 
  
  
• Take a break from the source of stress and do something for you. Invite yourself around to dinner with friends and neighbours and reconnected with them. Our farmer did it and he said it felt like a holiday. He was put in a situation where he had to be social and he enjoyed the stimulation of conversation and others. 
  
  
• Seek professional advice and make sure that if you're booking an appointment with your doctor make sure it is booked for more than the standard 15 minutes. 
  
  
• If you know someone who's under pressure and is backing away from it all keep in regular contact with them. Make the effort to help them work through the sources of their stress. And let them know that they are not alone and they have support when they are faced with a crisis.
  
  
• And most importantly look after yourself and get your sleep now. You need it to function. It is the best form of prevention. With it you can make better decisions which get you through times of pressure.